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Mauerfall: VCO Berlin Deconstructed

by Dead Agent

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about

It took me about two years to write the song VCO Berlin. It was certainly not my intent to take so long, but the creation of this song is intertwined with a terrible time in my life.

I had lost hope. Too much loss had broken my defenses of avoidance, and I felt I had little to live for. To deaden this feeling, I sought out all forms of distraction.

Down that road you start to become something else. Something you never imagined you could be. It is subtle, but you find yourself manipulating people to get what you want. How this affects them doesn’t enter into your mind. You might even think you’re still a great person.

People I cared about, I hurt. They didn’t want to have anything to do with me, and I couldn’t blame them. I gave them cause.

It was at this point I felt I had truly, utterly failed.

Terrible struggles with anxiety, all during the first year of pandemic, finally broke my body —- first with terrible shoulder and neck pain, and then with an extended viral infection that really seemed like COVID even though I did not test positive.

I did my best. I struggled with how badly I felt I had failed people. I was in significant pain every day, all the time. But I kept moving, with the help of my partners, family, and friends.

There’s no magic fix here. Three years on I still hurt a lot, every day. The infection left me with chronic inflammation and nerve pain, and even more problems with executive function. I feel like I’ve aged 30 years. Chronic pain will take all the fight out of you, and it has felt like every day is a new struggle.

In those darkest moments, the voice of my fear tells me that it doesn’t matter. It won’t change. I’ll always feel like this. I should give up. I am broken.

That inner voice of mine is not very nice.

But I try to find a way that works for me.  I am unlikely to ever find an easy time of it. I don’t know what will come and I’ve tried to stop anticipating.

I hope that I can keep learning. Keep creating. And keep helping. Those are the only things I’ve ever wanted to do.

So it fills me with great joy to share the works created from the pieces of VCO Berlin. Each of these artists and their way explored what I was expressing in the song, and I believe it came together to create a story that is theirs, but also very much my story as well.

I am deeply humbled to see what they have made with the bag of drum loops and synth leads I uploaded.

It is in creation that we are most in touch with the Universe, reflecting back the great engine of all Creation. This is our nature. Thank you for helping us explore it.

- Funkatron, 2024-03-11 23:00 -05:00

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released March 12, 2024

Mastered by Funkatron at Dead Agent Tactical Audio Labs

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Dead Agent West Lafayette, Indiana

Combining industrial, chiptune, synthwave, IDM and EBM influences, Dead Agent creates a unique style of aggressive electronic music.

Ed Finkler, also known as Funkatron, has been making electronic music for 25 years – originally as machine rock project Cult of Jester in the mid-late 1990s. Since 1999 Finkler has created genre-mixing aggressive electronics as DEAD AGENT
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